^^a painting I made ooooh sooo many years ago.
Today is Ash Wednesday, the beginning of Lent. It starts the 46 days before Easter Sunday, representing the 40 days Jesus spent fasting in the desert. I had never participated in fasting from something for Lent until last year. I don’t think I really understood it until I looked into it more. Always thinking it was too ritualistic for me, I realized last year that with the right motives it can be a powerful way to spend focused time on Christ. You can read about my decisions and thoughts from last year HERE, HERE and HERE.
This year sort of snuck up on me though. I felt like last year it was really clear to me what I should “give up” for Lent. This year I’ve been struggling. I think if I am honest with myself, at this moment of life I feel sort of numb in my faith. I don’t doubt anything I believe, I just sort of feel distant to my relationship with God. It’s my own doing. He never leaves… I just become busy. I started praying about Lent last week and I feel like I’ve had some peace over the idea of fasting from a state of mind more so than something tangible. That’s where I’m at. I need a change in attitude. I read this on the She Reads Truth app the other day and I was like “yep, that’s me”. It read “As I approach this season of Lent, I’m in need of a big, bright Gospel post-it note. My mind and body are tired, my heart in numb and I just feel… forgetful. Disconnected. Distracted. Remind me what we’re doing here again, Lord? Remind me of who you are. Remind me of what You’ve done.”
Man. That is me.
So for this Lent season, I decided I would work through the She Reads Truth devotion. And I don’t mean read with my eyes barely being able to stay open because it’s so late at night. I mean really work through it. Read. Reread. Journal. Pray. Repent. I also want to use this verse “Set your mind on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. Colossians 3:2” as my guide for areas of my life that I know make me feel that numb, distracted, distant feeling. I almost feel like a fast of my negative thoughts and attitude will be more challenging that giving up say, social media or something like that. But I am following after what God has laid on my heart. I want these 46 days to bring me closer to Him. To humble myself before him, to be open to what sins need to be confessed and what truths need to be heard. Easter is such a beautifully heartbreaking yet joyous time to celebrate. Praying I can quiet myself this year to understand the full glory of the cross.