On Marriage…


I am no marriage expert. Let’s get that out there first before I write a big ol’ post on marriage. Kev and I celebrated our 9th anniversary back in June and while we have so much still to learn, we’ve also come a long way from when we first got married. I totally laugh now about some of our first “big” fights after we got married. They were shallow, silly and soooo embarssing. It’s been on my heart lately to share a little bit about my thoughts on marriage and how it works for Kev and I. We started off this year a little out of sync. Things were far from bad by any means but we just felt a little disconnected. I can’t quite put my finger on what it was exactly (probably crazy 1st trimester hormones) but I think the daily grind, monotony of life and taking care small children had sort of taken precedent over nurturing the most important relationship in our family… ours. As our anniversary month started nearing, I began praying a lot about our upcoming 9th year together. I wanted to find a verse from the bible to sort of guide us in our marriage for the next year. I started reading in search of this perfect 9th year motto. Nothing seemed to fit at first. There were all the traditional wedding verses and standard marriage ones but then I randomly started reading in Ecclesiastes one night. Not really the book of the bible one would think to find an inspirational verse about marriage, but there on a random Monday night I found it. The Lord just totally laid it out in front of me…


Wow. A wave just totally rushed over me with understanding about what I needed to fix. In a lot of ways, I had stopped seeing us as a team. And not just a team together but also a team with Christ as the center (a cord of three). I think when we lose sight or don’t trust that our spouse wants the best for us in any situation things get really messy. Fights happen at the drop of a hat, tensions rise and our guard is constantly on high. I love this quote from Tim Keller’s book The Meaning of Marriage… “Within this Christian vision for marriage, here’s what it means to fall in love. It is to look at another person and get a glimpse of the person God is creating, and to say, “I see who God is making you, and it excites me! I want to be part of that. I want to partner with you, and God in the journey you are taking to his throne.” And when we get there, I will look at your magnificence and say, “I always knew you could be like this. I got glimpses of it on earth, but now look at you!” Each spouse should see the great thing that Jesus is dong in the life of their mate through the Word, the gospel. Each spouse then should give him or herself to be a vehicle for that work and envision the day that you will stand together before God, seeing each other presented in spotless beauty and glory.”

How beautiful is that? I want that. I want to do everything I can to help Kev become the man God has designed him to be. I am a part of his journey and he is part of mine. Together as 3 (God, Kev and I) we are stronger than on our own. I fully trust that Kev and I want the best for each other and that God wants the best for both of us as well. He is not a distant God. He is present, loving and rooting us on to succeed. He just wants us to come to Him.

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

I believe the purpose of our marriage is not for our own happiness (yes that comes as a bonus for sure — goodness I love that man) but for God to mold us to be more like Him. So this year I am clinging to Ecclesiastes 4:8! Knowing that I have a role to play in this team and that both Kev and I are working in unison to build each other up in every aspect of our life together. I designed the poster (above) and printed it off to hang in our bedroom as a daily reminder. I also made a hand bound journal (stitched with 3 different color pieces of embroidery thread) for Kev as an anniversary gift as well. We decided that to keep us extra close this year we would use it to write notes of encouragement to each other; sweet nothings, doodles, jokes, particular verses that we want to share to each other, etc.. and pass it back and forth from one night stand to the other. When I add something I put it over on his side and when he writes back he puts it on mine. Sure we could speak these things out loud to each other (and we do as well), but there is something extra romantic about seeing the journal back on my night stand with a hand written note from Kev.






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  1. AnnMarie •

    This is so beautiful! Thank you for sharing something so personal and special with us.

  2. I love this. Thank you for your honesty and I love the quotes you shared from that book. This idea of a journal is so neat because it just adds an extra layer of communication between a husband and a wife. Plus, writing things down and passing it back and forth is so fun and (for me) is reminiscent of the dating years.

  3. LOVE the idea of a journal you can pass back and forth!

  4. What a beautiful post. I’ll be getting married next year, and I feel its important to think about how to keep a marriage strong, stable and happy even from the start. Everything you have said is so eloquently written and thought provoking.

    I love the idea of the journal to pass back and forwards between you. Sometimes seeing something written down is more powerful than hearing it, isn’t it. What a perfect source of strength and unity for now, and something wonderful to look back on in years to come.


  5. I LOVE this, Jen!! Absolutely love. Would you consider selling the file for that print? I’d love one too!!

  6. This is a verse that is special to us too. A few years ago I bought us braided leather bracelets to represent the “three cords”.
    I also read on a blog recently about “a man who finds a wife finds favourite with the Lord” – or it is something like that… and they talked about how the Bible doesn’t talk about “soul mates” and how we are happier when we consider our spouse the partner on our journey of life and not a “soul mate”. A soul mate is way too much pressure and no one can live up to it. I thought that was really true. ??

  7. Oh Jen, you two are awesome! Love your heart and love your marriage, and love your little growing family!!
    God has His hand on you for sure. Loved this post, thank you! xo

  8. There is a song by City Harmonic called 1+1 that uses that verse in the lyrics. It’s really beautiful and if you get a chance to listen to it, I think you would love it.

  9. this is why you guys are my favorite couple! <3
    many congratulations and many wishes to you both and your 3 children. may God continue to bless your family.

    and that notebook idea, THE BEST! i used to do that with an exboyfriend of mine and it was simply the best. specially since we didnt see each other everyday. its seriously the best. and not only that but this will show your children later on in life a good example on how to build a relationship with their spouse and God.

    thanks for these beautiful posts.

  10. Stephanie •

    If you had your 9th anniversary in June, wouldn’t the upcoming year be your 10th year? Just saying. . .

  11. Thank you. We are in the young children stage of life and I feel my husband and I are disconnected a lot. This posts is exactly what my heart needed today.

  12. What a beautiful idea to do an anniversary journal! The team part of a marriage is something that can be too often and too easily set aside. Being conscious of reconnecting in this way is so great!

  13. Perfect timing! I’m getting married in November and as we were doing premarital counseling last week, our pastor brought this verse up. So thank you so much for this post and the confirmation that it brings!

    Also, you should definitely sell that file as a print and do a tutorial on how you made that journal. It’s perfection! *heart eyes emoji x 3*

  14. This post is very inspirational. Thank you for sharing your heart. The Lord has been teaching me not to work on my husband but to pray for him and encourage him. Its not my job to make changes in anyone else, I have enough to work on with myself. I can see the work the Lord is doing in my family and in my husband I just need to be better at letting God move through our lives and working on my role and myself.

  15. I couldn’t agree more on your views of how a marriage should look. While we in no way get it right all the time, my husband and I strive to build each other up daily. However, oddly I’m not commenting on your post because of how my views on marriage align with yours but to share that your post helped me work through something with my mother. Our relationship has been broken by 15+ years of her alcoholism and I’ve been wrecked. Having to finally walk away from her until she decides she wants help has been so much more difficult than I could imagine. It has opened old wounds and made fresh ones as well but something you wrote tonight settled a part of my soul, “I believe the purpose of our marriage is not for our own happiness (yes that comes as a bonus for sure — goodness I love that man) but for God to mold us to be more like Him.” That spikw to me because I believe the reason I’m enduring this is so that God can refine me to be more like Him. Thank you for sharing your heart for God. Thank you for writing. I’ve followed you for probably 4 or 5 years now and your faith is beautiful. It’s refreshing to see creative people who unapologetically love the Lord. It’s late and I’m emotional so I hope this makes sense, but I really just wanted to say thank you. God used your post to soothe my heart in a way you most likely never intended for it to ♡

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Hi, I'm Jen!

Welcome to my personal lifestyle blog. It features topics such as motherhood, family life, fashion, cooking, and all sorts of adventures. I hope you enjoy what you find!

Jen Loves Kev