http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenloveskev/4603158658/I hope this post isn’t too honest but it is what is on my heart this morning as I write this and one thing I am not is fake. Jenloveskev is a true story of my life and days so today the honest truth is that I feel like I am struggling kinda with this pregnancy. I hate to burst every one’s bubble that its all joys and rainbows but for me its been sort of difficult. I know its different for everyone but it just been really emotional and hard for me to adjust. It has nothing to do with our little baby girl coming. That part I am over joyed with- it is what is getting thru the pregnant part. I honestly CAN NOT WAIT for her to be here. I wish it was going to be tomorrow. Its just so hard for me to wrap my mind around being totally out of control of what’s going on with my body and to be taking pictures of myself everyday. It has honestly been a little hard for me.
I have always been an emotional girl but being pregnant is just over the top for me. I just want to be around my family and super close friends all the time. My family is so scattered around that its hard- I don’t get to see them and I miss them. My http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenloveskev/4603402627/ is also pregnant with her second little boy and it is so so exciting to be going thru this together but she lives in GA. I wish more than anything that we could be http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenloveskev/4603402647/ during the week and chatting and sharing stories with each other about how we are feeling and just laughing like we always do. I miss her a lot. She has been so supportive thru this whole thing though. I love her. She is always the first to call me the day of my doctors appointments, she is always there to listen and she is just so encouraging to me. I know she is there for me no matter what.
So that is what I am thankful for and really just wanted to write about today. I am so thankful for my husband, family and close friends. I appreciate you all so much. You mean the world to me and really are so supportive. I am also so grateful that we have moved to Albany. It was hard to leave Mass. We love it there but the friends that we are making here are genuine, caring and well just plain awesome and I know that we moved here for that reason. And to Kev thank you for taking care of me. You are the best husband and you are continually there to pick me up when I am down. You are my safe place, my comfort, and I always know everything is ok when you are near me. I love you.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenloveskev/4602541989/
Dear Baby Girl:
Only 5 more weeks till this school year is over! Then it will be you and me all summer. Daddy and me will be so much less stressed and will be able to spend even more time getting ready for you to come. This is my last week in my 2nd trimester. Crazy! I feel like we are over the hill and on the downward slope now till you come. The home stretch. I mean I know we still have a while but thinking back to the beginning we are a whole heck of a lot closer. We are getting closer to picking your name too I think. There is one we really like that we keep talking about. I want to tell everyone but it’s going to be our little secret until you arrive.
I have been really busy this week at school. Next week is the annual school art show and I have had so much work to do to get ready for it. Also Prom is in 2 weeks and have been doing all the decoration and invitations for that. It’s a lot of work but it will be fun. Your mom needs to find a dress that fits over you to wear!
Oooh we got you a super special present this week!!! I brought it home last night. We found the most perfect, most beautiful vintage pram for you. Its 50+ years old. Its so pretty. The lady that I bought it from has had it the whole time. She has strolled all 4 of her children in it and her grandkids. It is such a special and touching story, she was the sweetest lady. She gave me a hug yesterday when I took it from her and I told her I would sent her a picture of us with it when you were born. I hope to still have it when you have kids one day.
Your dad started playing this counting game with you. He likes to say “one” then poke my belly one time and see if you will kick back once. Then say “two” poke 2 times and then see if you kick back 2 times. He read it in the Expectant Father book. haha. Do you feel him playing it with you. Its pretty funny. You have been pretty good at kicking back, but then again I would kick back too if I was getting poked. haha. I hope I didn’t rough you up to bad when I fell this week. Sorry if you were scared. Just know that your Dad took extra good care of me and you to make sure we were all ok.
Ok I have written way to much in this post and letter.
Write again next week!
love you,
your mamma
Hang in there Jen! Pregnancy is an emotional rollercoaster! It’s not just the body changes… it’s the hormones too. When my best friend and I were pregnant at the same time we used to meet up every week to talk about all the crazy things we cried about that week… pregnant women have it harder emotionally and that really helped 🙂
meanwhile, congrats on finding the pram! so exciting! I hope you post pictures xoxo
i cant say much to the pregnancy struggles as i know nothing about that yet, but i will say that the floral top looks adorably perfect stretched over your lil tummy! great look.
You are seriously the most RADIANT mama-to-be I’ve ever seen! I can’t even begin to imagine how emotional pregnancy must be, but I absolutely love reading your letters to baby– it sounds like you & Kev are going to be such fantastic parents.
I can’t really relate because I’ve never been pregnant, but I know that several of my friends had really difficult pregnancies. One had to be on bed rest for half of her pregnancy. You are doing great, and I’m sure your little girl will love the letters you are writing to her!
Congrats on finding the pram!
Good luck with future mood swings/body changes. I know it must be hard. I have never been pregnant but I could only imagine, and having a supportive husband is something I would never want to be without in that situation. So you are certainly blessed that way. Love the top. You’re a bella mamma!
Such a beautiful and honest post. It sounds like you have an amazing support system even from far away.
The JC Splendid clogs are a bit treacherous, I feel like I should have warned you. I’m so sorry you took a tumble. I’ve twisted my ankles a few times, too.
XOXO
Lulu Letty
My boss described it as having “an alien inside of you”. As excited as you are to be a mom, it’s ok to feel a little weird about all the changes your body is going through. It’s not just YOURS anymore — and that must be so weird!!!
In other thoughts – love the floral top. Where’s it from?
Thanks everyone.
The top is from H&M
I know how you are feeling… I was once there myself.
Don’t you worry, it will all be over and once they put that little girl in your arms you will forget all about the pregnancy and what you dealt with.
And you are by far the cutest pregnant woman I have seen in the longest time.
I hope I can look as good when I go for my second.
i think it’s really normal to just want to be with family/close friends. i felt the same way. really private or something. like, i only wanted to be around people who helped me feel safe and secure.
on a less-serious note: you look really great. i know it’s hard to feel that way (even when people say, “you are the cutest pregnant girl i’ve ever seeeeeen!”), but i love this outfit. keep on dressing in the way that makes you feel like YOU. it is so strange how a baby just takes over your body. and i really feel that maintaining your “style” is a great way to maintain that feeling of normalcy. enjoy this (relatively short) time of working around that belly. a big round belly makes everyone feel jolly! try to really soak in the warmth and love that other people send your way. it’s hard not to smile at a pregnant woman. she truly is the most beautiful woman in the world. and right now, that is you!
sorry, i don’t know when i became your motivational speaker, but i so know how you feel and just wanted to try to encourage you!
oh jen…i HEAR YOU!!! honestly, this entire experience has been so, so hard for me…starting last year around this time when we officially learned we were going to have to do fertility treatments through the invitro last fall through being so sick for 5 months to now having worries about our right twin/being super uncomfortable and HUGE with 3 more months to go, etc., etc., etc. i feel so completely blessed to be having this experience b/c there were so many times over the last two years when i never thought i would, but it doesn’t make it any easier. the last year has been one of the hardest of my (almost) 33 years and i know it will all feel sooooo worth it once i see the twins’ little faces, but it really does have its moments. i thank god every day for seth and my mom b/c without them, i don’t know how i would have made it through.
that said, i keep saying to my bff, “what’s up with those women who LOVE being pregnant? are they delusional or just liars?” lol
hang in there, lady!!! you’re not alone!!! xoxoxo
Hi Jen!
I’m from Buenos Aires (Argentina) and my friend (from Chicago) and I read you every day, from work (in Buenos Aires!) and just wanted to stop by and say hello! You are international!
We love your blog and enjoy it soo much! I wish you the best with your pregnancy and we appreciate your honesty. You look beautiful!
if you want to incorporate an Argentina “theme” in any of your entries, you can count on us any time.
Enjoy your summer, we will live vicariously through you while we suffer the cold winter.
you brought tears to my eyes – you and kev will be such amazing parents – that is clear.
hang in there, like you said, you are on the slide down to the finish line.
its ok to cry and be emotional – especially when you have someone like your husband there to support you.
you are beautiful. xox
I am right there with you. I mean I am soo excited about my LO and can’t wait to meet him/her but I am struggling with the alien feeling of not being in control of me. I am also WISHING I could be with my family instead of people that I don’t feel comfortable with. It just multiplies the anxiety feelings.
You aren’t alone but they will be worth it right?
The thing I love most about your blog is your honesty. You have a beautiful life and it’s easy to see that your incredibly grateful for it, but every life has it’s down sides, and you’re not afraid to be honest and open about them. You’ll get through this difficult emotional, physically stressful time and come out of it all with a beautiful baby girl in your arms. We’re all as eager to meet her as you are. Keep your chin up, sweetie, and your eye on the prize!
Betty Noir
Talk about emotional roller coaster, I was a wreck reading this post!! It was so raw with emotion, thank you for sharing with all of us. I am a high school teacher as well, and my students were laughing at me for tearing up while reading this:).
Sending lots of love your way from this internet stranger… thank you for being honest and sharing your true feelings with all of us, and you are really wonderful!
This post is an example of why your blog is so appealing (to me anyway! 🙂 ) — you’re just so open and honest and sweet and relatable. It’s very cool of you to share your life & feelings with so many readers. I’ve never been pregnant but several of my friends have been, and most have confessed that they didn’t really like the being pregnant part. I’m sure it must be a difficult adjustment physically, but you’re so dang cute w/your baby bump! Am happy to hear you found a cool pram too, hope we get to see it?
first off, love your trench
Thank you for being so honest with us. No one expects you to be perfect and pregnancy is particularly an emotional and physical rollercoaster, of course, it will take its toll. Thanks for sharing everything with us, even your biggest difficulties, you are only a better, braver, and stronger woman for it.
I know it’s a really hard time being pregnant and going through all the changes your body makes. I had the dreadful experience of having to buy a swim suit yesterday, ewe. When it’s over you may be relieved you might even miss it. But once she gets here it’s all worth it. And it takes time but your body can go back to mostly normal. I don’t think it’s bad that your being honest. Your blog is a lifestyle blog right? And a lot about fashion. But being a beautiful person isn’t always about how your dressed but who you are inside too. I think that’s why you do so well with the blog. You are a beautiful person inside and it makes whatever you are wearing pregnant or not extra special. You do radiate happiness and honesty. Hang in there. We all have bad days. And you’re almost there! The last trimester will go fast, especially with you being home and having the time to prepare. You’ll be busy I’m sure.
I can’t wait to see the pram you got for your baby girl. That is so special. I would love to hear the story about the lady you got it from.
Call me ANYTIME. I am really trying to get there before you have the baby. I know you can’t come here when school is over. But you should know that I miss you so much and I try hard not to be flat out MAD that I can’t go through this with you being near you.
Oh my gosh Jen I cannot cry everytime I read your blog at work! It’s always a good cry though. Even just by reading your words I can tell that you are truly loved by the people around you. Long distance friendships are never easy, I’ve had a few, and you just feel like you want that person to be with you at the exact moment you need them, even if it is just to watch a movie and sit on the couch. I have no experience with the type of emotinal ride you’re going through right now, but I can say that you look gorgeous here! I’m amazed that you’re even willing to get up and put outfits together (let alone walk around in heels) while you are having all these unsettling feelings. It truly is a great reflection of your character. You are so lucky to have someone like Kev in your life who is always supportive and has your back, no matter what. And I hope that you feel a little comfort in the people who come to your blog everyday. I hope there’s no pressure to always be super cute or “on”, we just like coming around to hear what you have to say and hang out for a little. I hope you’re able to sort through everything you’re feeling and come out on the other side with a huge relieving smile on your face!
Take some time for yourself, and feel better as soon as you can.
~Morgan
Jen – what you are feeling is perfectly normal. There are emotions, fears and hormones that just seem to take over when you are prego! I was very lucky to have friends and family around during both of my pregnancies, but sometimes the foreign things going on will just get the best of you. Your life will be forever changed by becoming a mommy so just be sure to take the time to take care of yourself. Its difficult to be out of control of certain aspects of your life, but just think about how amazing it is that you are GROWING a human being! My kids ask all the time about what it was like to grow them – someday you will look back on the experience in retrospect and only remember the good stuff 🙂
Awww… I understand. EVERYONE is different, and you can’t help the way that you feel. The way that you feel is never wrong, it just is.
Also… I own that shirt! And I love the puff sleeves with ruching!
The first time is always difficult and scary, and oh my, is it ever normal to just want it to be OVER. I am glad you have a good support system; that is so important for new moms. I want to say, though, that as hard as it is now, being a mom is harder (beautiful and wonderful, yes, but tough as heck), so just remember to enjoy your alone time (and sleep!) while you have it!
You look great! Take care. 🙂
-Kim
Aww, sorry you’re having a tough time, but as I’m sure you know it’s normal! Hormones are tricky little devils… I get my period and I cry for 20 minutes because I got lost or forgot to buy olive oil… I can’t even imagine what I’ll be like if I’m ever preggers! I’m glad you have Kev, but sorry your bestie and family are far away! Skype! It’s the closest thing to being there, sometimes my best friend and I Skype while we are watching the same tv show, so it’s just like when we used to live together and can make snarky comments about the show to each other!
I am so sorry that you are so far from friends and family back home at a time such as this! I admire you for being able to admit that being pregnant isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be at times. I hope things continue to get better for you.
This was a beautiful post Jen, it almost made me cry! I think it’s great that you’re honest about how you’re feeling. You LOOK great, and sometimes, when you’re feeling down, that’s all that matters. 🙂
Hi Jen,
I don’t comment often but your post today really pulled at my heart strings. I have the wonderful joy and blessing of being the mom to four great kids. Pregnancy was always the hardest part of each and every journey for me. For a time you feel as though your body does not belong to you and it is such a strange emotion, especially when you are young and active. Surrendering to that is difficult, nearly impossible at times. I am sure you know this and have been told by countless people but you look amazing. Your style is still your own and i enjoy coming to see how you pull it together with the changes you are experiencing. you might have to work harder to find the pieces you love and that make you feel proud of your body, there are not a lot of maternity options, but you have been a success so far. I will be thinking of you as you continue down the road of pregnancy and into motherhood. Honestly, it is not easy, but along with the those hard days comes the amazing ones.
I can totally relate to this post. I’m 33 weeks pregnant right now (our first baby), and the other day I broke down and cried because I couldn’t reach something on a shelf because it was too high up and my husband wasn’t home from work yet to help me! And while I love feeling the baby move, sometimes at night when it wakes me up and keeps me up, it’s frustrating! But then I feel guilty for being frustrated because I’m just so happy about the baby. It’s really hard not being in control of what’s happening to you, and not being able to do the things you used to do so effortlessly, and generally just feeling not yourself. But know that you’re not the only one who has felt this way! Hang in there!
Jen, I applaud your honesty. I don’t have any children, yet, but my husband and I have been talking a lot about it lately. He thinks that I’m not excited about having children, but the truth is I’m scared to death of being pregnant. I work really hard to maintain my weight and I stay really, really busy. So I’m terrified of the body stuff and exhaustion. I’m assuming that at some point it’s all worth it – otherwise, no one would do it more than once!
You really do look amazing, though. Keep on smiling and taking each day at a time. You’re already over half way there!
hi jen. so glad you were honest. that’s pretty brave. and having time that you don’t want to do this? perfectly normal. welcome to motherhood, m’lady (: (not to dismiss the way you are feeling–i COMPLETELY understand) it’s weird, because my first pregnancy, i had a full term loss. getting pregnant again was so frightening and untimely. i cried nearly every day. having the baby here (and almost a year old), there have still been days when i just want to be responsible for me and no one else. it has been weird to mesh those feelings with all the love and joy and gratitude accompanying my daughter, especially in lieu of my loss. but what it’s come down to is this: without sounding harsh, the reality is i am a mother. and luckily i was able to conceive a child and raise her thus far. i’m going to have to do this thing every day, even on the days i don’t want to. and that’s part of the love i’m learning for my baby. in a way, everything is a gestation, then birth.
so far, it’s worth it (:good news is, everything is a season. you won’t be pregnant forever. you won’t be sleepless forever. you won’t have tired arms forever. some days it goes so slow and looking back on it, it feels like it flew by. your hormones and emotions surrounding pregnancy (before, during, and afterwards) are CRAZY and makes you feel out of sorts. just keep holding on. do not forget it’s temporary. it’s for a season. you can do anything for 15 minutes. you can do anything for a few months. you can do anything for a few years. you got this, jen! just a little bit longer. helps me to “count my blessings, not my sorrows”
make a running list about why you love being pregnant. get as much free stuff as you can (: i felt like everyone wanted to do nice things for me and give me stuff. focus on doing things for others. make time to CREATE. start the practice of blocking out intentional time for art now so you can carry it into baby’s infancy.
you’re doing great. you’re going to do great. you are so strong! <3
You are a beautiful mother-to-be. Hang in there! xoxo.
This is almost irrelevant, but as a future teacher, it’s so nice to hear that you are involved with prom. The teacher I observe and “apprentice” with (I student teach in the fall) NEVER goes to any of the students events and actually told her students she’d rather be hung by her toenails than go to their prom … SO negative! It’s so nice to hear that even though you are pregnant and leaving at the end of the year you still stick it out with your commitments in the school.
Jen, I’ve had 2 and am probably done and I felt this way ESPECIALLY with the first. I think the first is extra hard on your body – all those hormones and your body just doesn’t know what to do with all of it.
Well, you look great AND you have your pram! That pram is going to be so much fun! I can’t recall – but do you have a practioner that you feel you can talk honestly with? That is so important, both now and after the baby is born. It’s a wild ride, but you will be so glad for all these sweet pictures.
very very best!
This really is so sweet. Your baby girl is going to be so loved, its great.
Ooh, pretty floral shirt!
It’s good that you’re honest about your pregnancy. Nothing is perfect. I’m scared sh*tless of ever getting pregnant to be honest!
I had this neighbour in one house I lived in when I was young, and he told me that there was an old Jamaican saying (he was Jamaican) for getting through hard times: “Bend your mind to your condition, and roll with it.”
Essentially, go with the flow. If you don’t feel great, then you don’t have to. Accept changes, and keep on going! You really have no other choice, after all. 🙂
Jen, I’m glad you’re so honest about your experience – I feel like I can connect with you more than any other blogger because you’re so real and honest in your writing. I honestly feel like we’re really great friends and I always always find myself thinking about how you’re doing and seeing cute baby girl items and thinking of you and Kev! I’m so so nervous to be pregnant someday – in the next few years – but it’ll be so worth it in just a few short weeks! You’re more than halfway there – and you look beautiful, no matter how you’re feeling. Love!
I got teary eyed reading this. You and your husband are going to be amazing parents. You look so beautiful.
Wonderful letter.
I have a feeling I will be on your team re: pregnancy. It seems like a lot of hard work, but I know it will be worth it when you have your very own darling baby girl.
On a shallow note, a vintage pram has to be the coolest baby thing I’ve heard in a long time. Awesome that you scored one.
Dear Jen.
Being pregnant is HARD work.
There are many women out there who love every second, every milisecond even!!!! And each inch of swollen abdomen gets them more happy than the last inch! I don’t understand it! While there are so many ups to pregnancy… there are just as many downs! It’s a roller coaster. It’s rough and beautiful all at ounce! Because building a baby takes time, and energy and the science of it all alone is enough to boggle the mind!!!! I always struggled with giving up my body to someone else for so long of a period, from food to fitness to clothing!!!!
I love to RUN, eat SWEETS ONLY, and wear cute clothes WITH BELTS, and pregnancy puts those loves on hold. And guess what, after 3 babies, it never got easier, but guess what else, one look at that precious baby girl on her Birth day and you WILL never look back!!!!!! And sacrafice makes things really worth while. Like …really! But you already know that. You are a great mom already (i can tell by your letters) and all of these things you don’t need to be told, but sometimes it’s nice to hear it one mama to another. And you know the most wonderful thing about the stage you are in right now? You have a little secret that NO ONE else has, you and your baby girl are sharing everything right now, you know when she wakes up and sleeps and eats and hiccups and so forth!!!! You and only you! But soon she will be out and so will your secret, and you will have to share it with the world, but right now it’s just yours!!!!!
enjoy…
XO
Stunning post. Your little girl is going to be so happy one day to be able to read this log you’re keeping for her. I think it’s wonderful. I am still relatively new to your blog (saw your pic in Lucky, recently! Congrats!) and up until now have placed you in my “Boston Fashion” sidebar. Now that you’re in NY I will move your link accordingly. 🙂 I currently live in MA but grew up near Albany, actually. Nice to know you’re enjoying it there.
Thanks so much for sharing all this with us!
As my 8-week old baby girl lies in my lap as I am typing this, I just wanted to let you know you aren’t alone! I had a love-hate relationship with being pregnant! There is something that’s so amazing about feeling your babe inside of you and it is nothing short of amazing that you are nourishing a human from egg inside your ovaries to life. There are so many weird body changes that come with pregnancy that you NEVER hear about, but I have been amazed at how much more quickly my body has bounced back. And the things that haven’t are not as bothersome as I imagined that would have been so far. Lots of love to you and Kev – you are a very beautiful pregnant lady and will someday look back at these pics you are taking with amazement! I’m sure of it!
The story about the pram is so wonderful! How nice to have an item with such history!
On how you’re feeling, I can relate. I have never been pregnant but I have a hormonal imbalance (genetic). I’ve been taking medication to supress the side effects of this imbalance since I was 15. After I moved to another city I changed docters and the new guy suggested I’d lay off the medication for a while to see how it went. After 3 months I was a mess, emotionally exhausted. I felt really down and frequently got upset without any reason or trigger at all. I felt uncomfortable and ‘wrong’ inside my own skin, as if something was constantly out of place. I got my perscription back and feel absolutely fine again now. I guess that’s what’s been plagueing you, hormones. They can really mess with moods. Don’t feel guilty about this and take good care of yourself – and now that it’ll be all fine again in a few months (with baby bonus 🙂 )
Jen, I just LOVE your honesty about pregnancy and the reality that it puts your body and emotions through! You’ve really touched me, thank you! I’ve been reading your blog for awhile now and not commented or anything, but you just seem like the sweetest person. Hang in there, you’ll be a wonderful mom!
Everyone definitely appreciates your honesty. Pregnancy is not an easy thing, either, so don’t feel bad! Annie.
At this point I whish I could speak better english….
Dear Jen!
Your blog is, not one of my favourite, but it is my favourite. You have something in you that draws me back here….and I am glad for that. Althought I don’t know you, I always have feeling that I do know you. Really do.
One of the things I most appreciate with you is your honesty. Most of the time I feel really lonely or maybe I come up on the wrong people and I am always hurt…..but when I read your blog, my heart starts to sing….love you so much.
And don’t worry, you and Kev are gonna be the best parents in the world. I try to look up to you. I also have a great partner, don’t know what I would do withouth him and I love him more and beyond….
So dear Jen, put those thoughts beside and just love and enjoy life. Just like you teach us to….
Best whishes to you both.
Ana,
Slovenia