4:30am Stream of Consciousness…

pregnant

pregnant2

Well it’s 4:30am and I’m up again for another “restless, I can’t sleep, get this baby out of me” kind of night. What better way to pass the time and take my mind off the fact that I am not sleeping and super uncomfortable then to sit at the computer when all is quiet and totally word dump into a post. I’m sure it’ll be random about all kinds of things going on. You ready? Alright, let’s do this…

1. Pregnancy. Oooooh if I am honest with you I do not like being pregnant. It’s a very real struggle for me. I know I need to keep things in perspective because there are millions of women struggling with loss and infertility and those totally trump silly feelings about actually being pregnant but the feelings are real nonetheless (if you are one of those women, I pray for you, I hear you, you are not unnoticed. If you want, please roll your eyes at this part and skip over. I totally get it). I think it’s the loss of control of your own body that really does me in. It’s very weird to feel like a stranger in your own body for so many months. The little person inside takes over and you’re left with weight gain you don’t want, sleepless nights, exhaustion, discomfort, weird appetite aversions, swollen everything and the handful or other super pleasant (not) side effects. I feel like I handled them all better with my other pregnancies but this time around it’s just been plain difficult. Is it age? Is it the fact that there are small children I am trying to keep up with? I don’t know but this pregnancy has been tough. At the beginning, I was really struggling with the weight gain. I know it’s so trivial but it was so frustrating to be eating so healthy, working out quite a lot and just keep seeing the weight come on. I’ve come to terms with it a bit. Excepting my body just needs the weight I guess. I don’t understand it but I am trusting it as best as I can. I am just not someone who gains like 20 pounds. I am at 37 pounds with 4.5 weeks to go. I am proud of my body and the work it has done, don’t get me wrong. Birthing a baby is quite a superhero feat but still. It can be difficult. Am I alone? Do you love being pregnant? Do you struggle? I have friends that love every glorious minute and I love that about them. There are moments I love but I am just really looking at the finish line.

2. It’s my birthday today! I am 33. Ahhh!!! I have so, so enjoyed being 30 so far. They’ve been my most favorite years so far but I will be honest and say 33 sounds quite legit as an adult. hahaha I still picture myself as a 24 year old. Yesterday especially, I was on the eve of my birthday, had kindergarten orientation, Rowan’s first soccer practice (that I pulled up to in our minivan), and had a midwife appointment for our 3rd baby. Ummm, hello? How did I get here?? Aren’t we still newly married, running around Hawaii without a care in the world? I LOVE everything about this stage of life. I really do, but it was one of those weird surreal moments like “what? this is just blowing my mind today”. Anyway, Happy Birthday to me!

3. Change, Change, Change. Our house feels a bit chaotic lately. I feel like we are lifting up the house, shaking it all around and waiting for it all to settle again. Nothing’s bad but there is a heck of a lot of transitions going on around here. I feel like everyone is feeling them too. Especially sweet, sensitive Rowan. Poor girl. 1. Finley is pretty much potty trained- but we’re still in the “we need to find a potty every 2 seconds when we go somewhere” phase. Bending down almost 36 weeks pregnant in every public restroom from Target to the gas station has been super fun. There is no room for being a germaphobe. Like literally no room… picture a toddler, a huge pregnant women and your above average size 4 year old all in a single stall together. Are you laughing yet? You should be. We are like a circus side show act everytime we walk into a bathroom 2. We’ve moved Finley from her crib and her room into Rowan’s room to share the bunk bed with her. Bedtime has been such a dream since. Sarcasm. 3. KINDERGARTEN!!! is starting on Wednesday (hold me). 4. This baby is coming soooooooon! 5. All September activities are starting up again (dance, gymnastics, Mom’s group, soccer, etc…) how does one keep up with all the schedules, emails, etc… I need a secretary for my life please.

4. Raise the roof (heck yes, I just said raise the roof) for time away with your husband. Kev and I just got back from 5 days away in Florida together. We were hoping to head up to Nova Scotia but decided for something more relaxing and laid back and just headed to my parents house down there on the coast. The girls went and spent some time with both are parents out in Massachusetts. We had such a wonderful time. We had no agenda, no plans, nothing. We read, we ate out a ton, we took naps, we lounged around, we went to the bookstore, we went to the beach, it was glorious! It’s always hard leaving your kids. I totally get it but I can not say how important it is enough to get some time away (every year if you can) with your spouse. It doesn’t have to be fancy or far away- just something. You realize once you’re there how much you missed just connecting with each other away from everything else. Of course there is lots of talk about the kids- it’s natural but then you start joking and talking about everything else you fell in love with over. So grateful for the time away. Boy, I sure love Kev. What a good man he is!

5. So I got this comment the other day on the Target/Stride Rite post along the lines of “how dare you pimp your children out for something you would never buy” sort of thing and it totally made me laugh. I don’t ever feel the need to justify what I do here on the blog. Maybe years ago I did, but not now. However this comment was just so funny to me I feel like I wanted to write a little something about it. Why are some people always so offended by a sponsored post? Out of all the stupid PR emails that hit my inbox, I rarely say yes to any of them. I chose very careful who I work with and who I don’t. Free stuff is very rarely worth my time and energy. I stated very clearly that it was a sponsored post. I wasn’t hiding it. I never in that post wrote that they were my personal favorite shoes or even cute for that matter (although I do think Rowan looks adorable in that post). I wrote very honestly. Were the shoes my taste? maybe not but they’re still very well made shoes and I accepted that sponsored post because I love my daughter. I knew Rowan would die over getting the chance to pick out her own shoes and get her very own post. I don’t force my kids to always wear everything that’s my taste just for blog pictures sake or for some fake image I want to keep up. Yes, they’re little and I still have a say but I love letting Rowan express herself. She has her very own opinions and thoughts on what she thinks looks good and that just happens to be pink and purple sparkly shoes. She put those shoes on and said she thought she could run faster than ever before and has worn them nonstop since. That’s what matters to me. The end (drops mic, walks off stage).

5. I finished the baby’s room! It’s so freakin’ cute. I can’t wait to share with you guys. I just want to make a few little stuffed animal things and then I’ll take some pictures and show you. It’s the cleanest, most put together room in our house right now and some days I just sit on the floor in there and take a few deep breathes away from all the crazy. hahahaha

6. I picked up my birth pool yesterday! Oh boy! Home birth #2 here we come!

7. I just want to say a big ol’ thank you to all you wonderful readers. Some are new and some are like old friends now reading since before Rowan was even born. Thanks for sticking around with me. It really means so much and your support and encouragement never goes unnoticed. I am so very grateful for all of you!

8. I’ve fizzled out. I think all my thoughts have been drained, I am feeling empty on what to say now… Here ends the random middle of the night post.

Outfits Above:
Black dress: Stitch Fix Maternity (similar)
Birks: Nordstorm
White Top: LOFT (on sale!! non maternity!)
Jeans: Stitch Fix Maternity (similar)
Sandals: H&M (similar)

  1. You should write more posts like this! Your honesty and humor are very refreshing to read first thing in the morning! πŸ™‚ I have read your blog since before Rowan and it is fun to see your family grow.

  2. 1. You’re adorable. But I totally get you on the not feeling the pregnant thing. So grateful for the ability to get and stay pregnant, don’t get me wrong. And for that beautiful baby at the end. Weight, weird skin tags, ravenous hunger and raging heartburn… Not so much.
    2. You’re awesome for letting Rowan be Rowan and for recognizing what would make her happy. Don’t let the haters get you down!
    3. Stitch Fix Maternity?! Sweet!

    Keep up the good work Mama! I enjoy listening to you perspective and watching your family growπŸ’—

  3. Pregnancy can be a bummer. My mine was ok. I didn’t feel horrible but I didn’t feel great. The last month was not pleasant, at all.
    I am really saddened that someone would say something so hurtful about Rowan’s post. You are probably one of the most conscientious mom blogger (i don’t like that term, but whatever) that I have read. That is just incredibly rude and insensitive.
    As a current 24 year-old, I hope I can be as cool as you when I turn 33. You make the motherhood look really effortless. I have reading since before Rowan and you have made the transition really well. Keep it up! I can’t wait to meet your new little bundle of joy.

  4. Geez, I just had baby #2 and that pregnancy was SO much harder! I couldn’t tell if it was because I had to chase my two year old (she and Finly are really close in age) OR the fact that I turned 30 this year or what! A friend of mine said she read somewhere that each pregnancy gets harder because pregnancy and nursing deplete the body of its nutrition stores. However of works, I feel ya. I was SO uncomfortable this pregnancy! And now I’m overwhelmed with how the heck do I care for two babies?! You’re brave with 3. My husband is scared to have any more now. Haha!

  5. I totally get it. I’m 16 weeks 5 days along with our second child. Just this past week, after weeks and weeks of trying not to gain so much as my first go around, I put on 4.2lbs (“you should average 1lb a week from now until the end of your pregnancy” – every pregnancy mag, website, book out there). It’s amazing (frustrating) what your body decides for you, regardless of your behavior. First pregnancy, went crazy with food and whatnot-gained a ton. This current one- exercise, healthy eating mostly, yet it seems like my body is on the same track, doing WHATEV’s it wants.

    Sorry for the rant– you aren’t the only one who doesn’t quite enjoy this, I do feel you sister πŸ™‚

    Also in the throws of potty training with our first. FUN times, amiright?

    PS: new reader, found out about you from Indiana (mom jeans & dad jokes). Love the blog, love reading the real posts from another pregnant momma. Thank you for sharing life! Your honest life update was a very good read this morning.

    Also, I LOVE those outfits. That black dress is awesome!

  6. I’m a smaller lady to begin with, and I ate well, exercised appropriately, and gained 68 pounds before giving birth to a 9 pound 11 ounce baby. Bodies do what they need to to grow a baby just how God wants them!

  7. Hahaha I love this post. You’re better than ever and the only blog I still read. When my 10 year old son started wanting to wear only neon athletic wear, I had to swallow my preference and let him at it. So good for you with the sparky purple shoes. I can’t believe she’s starting kindergarten!!! Now I’m feeling older. I remember when she was born, because I was in Italy on my 1 year wedding anniversary and I was too embarrassed to tell Matt that I kept stopping in Internet cafes because I wanted to see if she’d been born yet. When he finally figured it out, it’s all he talked about for 3 days. “How’s your buddy Jen.” “Roman (yes roman) doing good?” “So you guys hangin out soon…” “Hey look! I think your best friend Jen would like this? We should get it for her. Wait. We don’t actually know her. Bummmmmer”

    Anyways. Happy birthday.
    Bekah

  8. I always gain a lot of weight too. It doesn’t really matter how I eat, it just happens! As for being pregnant..I think I like bits and pieces. I love being able to wear tight clothes and have not a single care in the world for curves and looking chubby. Everyone knows I’m pregnant so I just rock it! But I definitely don’t like all the discomforts and lack of sleep and cravings and not being able to join in the fun lots of times.
    I can’t wait to see the nursery!
    Happy birthday!! πŸ™‚
    http://www.sweetlytattered.com

  9. Can’t wait to see the new baby’s room!!! I love your interior design style. Best combo of clean/modern yet eclectic/organic/vintage.

    I think you do a great job of mixing sponsored posts and original ones. Hey, at least your family has another primary source of income. The peeps that bother me from time to time (although I still look at their stuff… Smh!) are the ones who have made their kids the main source of the family’s income. I think those kids are going to feel that pressure once they are older and when they look back on how much they appear online, I’m concerned for what they might feel.

  10. Samantha •

    I have followed you since before Rowan and I just love your blog! I had my own little girl this year and came here for inspiration for every subject while prego… and now hahaha… I think your diy crafts/mommy subjects are my go to @ the 3am let’s not let mommy sleep hour! I did see that comment the other day but I thought my lack of sleep had taken over and I was seeing things .. but just want to say thanks for being a great role model and handling that respectfully it really was a great example of how I would like to handle situations like that if it ever happened to me. Thank you for being totally awesome!

  11. Love this post! I almost never comment, but I am one of the (albeit silent) “old friends” that has been with this blog since you and Kev’s 3rd year of marriage (ish), back when you were doing the Teacher Style posts! It has been so much fun experiencing every new milestone with you, and makes me excited about experiencing those milestones soon myself. Thanks for sharing, Jen!

  12. I am with you on the whole body issues thing with pregnancy. For me it came right after my girl was born this April. I ended up having a c-section and really resented the recovery time. I kept saying (and to some extent still do) that I just feel foreign in my body. It has really thrown me off! Love her to bits but I can’t help feeling a little odd in my own skin.
    Also just curious – when did you start going away every year on your own? My hubs has mentioned us getting away just before our girl turns 1. I like the idea…just a bit new to this and nervous πŸ™‚
    I have to say, you look great! All the best to you 6! I’m also a long time reader since before Rowan was born and yours is my absolute favourite blog. Thanks for letting us in πŸ™‚

  13. Michelle H •

    Girl, I’ve been reading since before Rowan was even a twinkle in your eye (though I don’t comment much – sorry about that!). Anyone who says anything about you “pimping out your children” for including sponsored content including your girls is not worth even a passing thought.

    Lots of love to you and your adorable family!

  14. I absolutely adore all of your pictures!!!! They are just so REAL! That is why I am so drawn to your blog. It’s not a show, it’s your real life shown through pictures. =) When I first looked at the sponsored post of Rowan a few days ago, I did not even notice her shoes. It was her sweet smiling face that stuck out to me the most. Then today after reading this post I went back and looked at the sponsored post and still just saw a sweet girl who loved her shoes and being able to run around. I remember as a kid loving specific clothing items and having such fond memories of them as I get older. I know this will be true for Rowan and I love how you allow her freedom to make big decisions. Maybe she will be a shoe designer when she is older and those one pair of shoes will have sparked that dream and desire inside of her! I will pray for you in these last weeks of pregnancy and also for a supernaturally quick and painless delivery! You make me so excited to one day be a mom by how much you love your kids and husband!

  15. I have to put my hand up and say that I am one of those women who is loving being pregnant. This is my first (and probably my only) pregnancy so I am relishing every moment of this beautiful journey. I am aware that I’ve been lucky though as I haven’t experienced many (if any) of the unpleasant things that can come with being pregnant and my heart does go out to the ladies that have a rough time of it. My worst issue is that I have trouble sleeping at night, but I am looking at that as training for when my little one arrives and I will be sleep deprived for a long time. I’ve gained 22 pounds (10 kgs) and I have 10 weeks to go but I’m not stressing about the weight gain as I know it isn’t all body fat (my thighs are probably the biggest they have been for years but it seems to just be muscle bulk) and is just my body adjusting to having to lug around an ever growing person. Perhaps as this is your 3rd baby your body is just extra skilled at building a great placenta and things like that? 4.5 weeks to go! How exciting! πŸ™‚
    I think anyone who comments about a ‘sponsored post’ pretty much hasn’t been reading your blog for very long. I think most people would know that you wouldn’t promote something that you wouldn’t use yourself. Don’t worry about them.

  16. Thanks for sharing! It’s good to hear from you again! I hear ya on the uncomfortableness of pregnancy! I’ve been there and I’m not too terribly excited to go back! You’re so close though!!

    Johanna

    http://www.engineeredperfection.blogspot.com

  17. Oh I feel you. I’m 32 and just found out I’m almost 3 months pregnant with my second. All I can think sometimes is “am I really doing this again?” The sickness is the worst. But I’m trying to feel blessed as well. I keep telling myself “it’s just 6 months more!”

  18. I am on my 3rd pregnancy also and I fe the same way. I also have two girls, a 2year old and a 1 year old. Everything you said hit home for me, even the not complaining because I know that getting pregnant is a struggle for some. Glad I am not alone.

  19. I feel you on the pregnancy struggle…I gave birth to my second child in late June (a boy) and my experience being pregnant with him was such a challenge (my first child is a girl, super easy pregnancy, symptom-wise.) Not only did I have 20 weeks of straight morning sickness, or all-day sickness really, but I had KILLER sciatica and was told at my 31 week check up that I was maxing out on what I was “supposed ” to be gaining weight wise. As someone with a storied history of anorexia while I was a teen, gaining a lot of weight during pregnancy (while eating healthfully and staying very active) has been a sobering exercise in knowing that my body needed to do its work in order to sustain a nurturing environment for a little life. But I also remember thinking “BUT I HAVE 9 WEEKS TO GO” and eventually my midwife conceded that maybe it was just what my body needed. It’s tough to come to terms with the body changes, even when your common sense is trying to be in command. You look wonderful in your photos, and best of luck on the rest of your pregnancy journey!

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Hi, I'm Jen!

Welcome to my personal lifestyle blog. It features topics such as motherhood, family life, fashion, cooking, and all sorts of adventures. I hope you enjoy what you find!

Jen Loves Kev
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