The leaves are turning, starting to fall and there’s a chill in the air. Fall is here. Yet we are still waiting. It’s funny how you can have things perfectly planned out in your mind, but so quickly realize it’s just soooo out of your control. It’s hard giving up that control for so many reasons. I am learning, praying and trying to keep my focus on the calling we feel. It’s funny to think I wrote a post in May about being pretty sure we would have our first foster child by the end of June. 1. I can’t believe how fast time has gone by and 2. umm it’s the middle of October?? It’s such a weird state to be in. Everyday knowing that any minute you could be getting a call and there could be a child in your house 30 mins later. Everything we do, every where we go, I am fully aware of getting one of these calls. Do you hold off on planning things, going places, being spontaneous??
We’ve had 5 calls so far. The first time I was in an Old Navy changing room. The girls were fighting over who knows what and I was quickly trying to find a pair of pants that actually fit for a trip to San Francisco the following week. My heart sank and bubbled with excited nerves all at the same time. My phone was vibrating and flashing the words “Foster Care” across the screen. It’s a moment I will remember forever. In that moment (and I am sure every time they call from now on) you are on one hand excited at this opportunity to open your home and to love on and support a child, yet at the same time want to break down and cry over the brokeness that has lead to this phone call. It’s very strange to have such mixed feelings. Anyway, I sat there in my underwear, shoving snacks at the girls trying to get them to quiet down and I listened. My voice was shaking and head felt foggy, yet I heard every word. I hung up and I knew in my gut that this particular situation was not for our family. We were pretty flexible with the parameters we put in place as far as placements go, but this? Not sure I would’ve been able to parent effectively to all needs involved and the large sibling group that would’ve been in the house (including Rowan and Finley). I wanted to say yes. I wanted to scream YES, but I knew we had to say no. Ahhh it was so hard. Kev and I talked and prayed over it, we knewn though. I called the next morning and told them we just didn’t think we were the right family. The other calls have fallen through for one reason or other. Usually we get the call, we say YES! and then we wait for a court hearing that afternoon. There’s usually been a relative that’s come forward or there’s been a change of arrangement though. Of course we’re so happy that the child can stay within their families when a relative steps up but it’s hard emotionally preparing all day for a child to arrive and then last minute hearing they’re not.
Again in all of this we know it’s not really about us or how hard it’s been. The children are what matter. So please don’t take any of this as a “woe is me” type post. I am just sharing my heart and our journey thus far. We’re learning so much and trusting in the Lord through it all. Having faith in his perfect timing. Just spending a lot of time in prayer over every situation for our family, the child and their own biological family.
Who knows what this week might bring…