Our foster care class ended the day before we left for FL. All our visits were done, fingerprints taken and the piles of paperwork finished. We flew out the next day and I was emotionally ready. Ready to start the foster care journey as soon as we got back. It all felt like the right timing. Class end, family time happened and we came back refreshed and ready for our placement. Well, here we are almost 5 weeks after we’ve gotten back from FL and no word yet from our case worker. I know families who adopt (especially internationally) wait such long times and I am in no way saying I have waited a long time because I haven’t. But. I am realizing rather quickly that nothing in this process really goes according to your plans. It’s a system that needs families to rise up and help. Yet is so understaffed and busy trying to find homes for the children that need to be placed right now, they can’t find the time to finish certifying the new families. It feels like we are in this weird limbo stage. When we were in our weekly class it felt real, like we were working towards something. Now we just sit, and wait, and wonder when that phone call will come. I have to actively be in prayer over all of it because the waiting let’s the fear creep in. The questions build up with all the what ifs that could happen. So many scenarios, so many children, so many opportunities to help these families. But it can feel scary and overwhelming to me at night when I am alone with my thoughts. I know with out a doubt this is what we are supposed to be doing, but this stage of unknowns is very hard. If you can remember back to my Hillsong post last year. I wrote how going to that concert really changed a lot for me. And since than, the Zion cd has been one of my favorites. Especially the acoustic version! I’ve heard a lot of worship songs in my life and have really been moved by many of them but honestly, I can not even begin to express the power the song Oceans has on me. It literally makes me weep. The words. Oh the words. They just run deep into my soul. My most favorite lines are…
“Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You’ve never failed and You won’t start now
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior”
I feel like I am living this song right now and it’s scary and wonderful and oh so beautiful. But oh man, it’s a leap of faith.
Our dear sweet friends had their adoption finalization court date last thursday. It was just the sweetest day to celebrate. We were honored to be in the court room with them as their son was declared theirs forever. Sitting there in the back row listening to the judge, it was hard not to picture ourselves down the line. Of course with foster care we want the families to succeed first so it is different. However, if that isn’t the case, I know one day we will find ourselves in that same situation. My heart was filled with so much emotion watching Danielle and Caleb love on Abram that day. We will love each and every child that comes into our lives like they will be with us forever, but I know I have to keep praying and trusting that if/when a child goes home that it really is the best for them. It will be an honor for me to be their mama for however long they are with us.
* Side note: Rowan still trying to understand all of it asks “are we going to take care of their baby?” every time one of our friends give birth (and there actually has been a few births lately). Every time I have to explain that no, it’s not this baby but it will be another baby hopefully very soon.