The Second Time Around

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Well, here we are, the first day after my due date has come and gone. In some respect it takes the pressure off. You put so much weight on that specific date and then when it passes you can let go of that dream of being early. I’ll keep my complaining to a minimum here- I know I keep writing about how we are waiting for the baby. When you get to this point though, it consumes you. blah!

It’s been such a different journey this time around. With your first you can spend so much time focusing on the little one. Every moment is about them. You are filled with unknown hopes, dreams and fears of what it is going to be like with a baby. You wonder what it will be like to be a mom? How your life will change? You can sit on the couch if you want, when you want, your days are still your own. No matter when you are pregnant- 1st, 2nd or 5th it’s always a hard journey, but when there is another kid already around it becomes a little tougher. These past 9 months have been rough for me. I am sure moms with 2 or more kids will roll their eyes at me with only 1 because obviously it’s all in perspective. I know that and I keep that in mind on days that I think are particularly hard.

I’ve found myself filled with a lot of guilt this time around too. Oh “mom guilt” you are a tricky thing. Guilt over not being able to give Rowan the time or attention she truly wants. 9 months pregnant doesn’t really let you play or keep up with your 2 year old the way they want. Kev has (as always) been great with her, but Rowan and I spend all day together and sometimes I just have to tell her “Mommy can’t”. That is really hard. Then there is the guilt over not spending every waking mintue thinking about the new baby. When I was pregnant with Rowan I wrote weekly letters, took hundreds of photos and made weekly pregnancy blog posts. Your first consumes you. We are no less excited about this new baby but our time and energy has to go so many other places this time around. I know that it is just a “Mom thing” and that the new baby will not feel any less loved by any of this but it keeps me awake at night sometimes. I know deep down we will find our own special things for this new little girl and this will all feel so trivial one day.

I don’t want this post to be a downer though. Yes, the second time around has some downs but it also comes with so many unbelievable ups. When I was pregnant with Rowan, Kev and I were plagued with fear some days over the unknown. It’s very scary becoming a parent for the first time. You can try to imagine how awesome and hard it is, but you never really know until you experience it. The fact that we have experienced it now leaves us with so much excitement for the next. There is no fear. There is no wondering. We know the true joy that fills your life and makes your heart explode from having a kid. We are over the moon to experience it all again with another. We have learned that no matter what hardship you go through with your kid that it’s always a stage. It will not last forever. I think that’s one of the greatest lesson you can learn as a parent. That perspective alone is invaluable in those first few weeks, months of having a new baby. We had a really (I mean really) hard time the first few weeks with Rowan. Our world was completely turned upside down and I will confess it rocked us. Learning the ropes was not an easy task for us. I am so thankful for the perspective we have now. I can’t wait to experience all those new sweet newborn moments without all the fear and anxiety that comes with your first. I know there will be new challenges because Rowan will be adjusting to it all too, but I really know in my heart it will be a good change for all of us. I am dying to experience that moment when we get to bring Rowan in to meet her baby sister for the first time. Oh my gosh the tears are going to be flowing.

Maybe you don’t have to spend so much time thinking about being pregnant the second time around because you just know. You know what it will be like, you know that if you eat that one piece of brie you and the baby are not going to crumble, you know what round ligament pain feels like, you know what a contraction is, you know what it feels like to love a little one unconditionally, you know how to get through endless sleepless nights, the list could go on and on, but you just know what lies ahead of you. You know and you are ready…

Perspective is lovely hand to hold!

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  1. Jen, this post is beautiful and you are beautiful. Love these shots. You appear to be super sweet. Don’t ever change. Praying for the best for you and yours.

  2. You look breathtaking. And you are honest, and your kids are lucky to have you.

  3. Your pictures are beautiful. Your words are beautiful! You are beautiful!
    Try not to let that guilt get to you!!! You will do and are doing the best you absolutely can do! Rowan won’t remember the moments you had to say you can’t!!!! She will only have fond memories if any of such early years! And YES you will find new ways to make baby feel loved and special even amidst a busy home! As for having more children, we cutrently have 3 and are adding #4 in March, I don’t laugh! Adding the second was by far the biggest transition and the scariest before hand! It is so hard not knowing what to expect or what tou can handle!!! Just know, just like having number one, you WILL figure this out too! Don’t be hard on yourself! Life transitions such as this are a big thing! Taking a few weeks to adjust is OK!:):) You are all going to do amazing Jen!:):)
    I love your blog and love reading your words!
    I can’t wait to hear of the sweet new baby’s arrival!:)

  4. Those pictures are gorgeous!

  5. Such beauty! I love these pictures! These posts on your pregnancy are so lovely to read! Thank you for sharing! Such heartfelt words in each post!

    Theresa
    http://bomamma.blogspot.com

  6. Beautiful Pictures. Praying for a quick (but not too quick), safe, happy, all you are hoping for delivery.

  7. Beautiful post. Hoping baby girl doesn’t keep you waiting too long! We still have 17 weeks to go!

  8. You are going to do fantastic, Jen! (Happy New Year, btw) I try to limit my internet time so that I can be present for my 2 babes and my self and my spouse but your blog is something I’ve chosen to hold onto. I can so relate to your posts and feelings because adding our second one filled me with the guilts too. I barely remember my pregnancy because my 1st son was 6m when I got pregnant and I was trying to soak it all up and give him the attention I felt he deserved. My friends with multiple kids all assured me that this was normal. I fretted about how I’d feel about this new baby when I loved my Baby J soooooo much. It’s funny, though, how love works. I won’t pretend that the first few weeks weren’t tough. I think I was on autopilot mentally and emotionally. But, one day after a few weeks, I woke up and realized how in love I was with Baby B and it was the most amazing revelation! Now, I can’t imagine loving anyone more than these two little beings who came from my body. Trippy. I haven’t done as well writing down milestones, but I do the best I can and you will see. It’ll be one of the best times of your life-hard and fatiguing, but worth every tear, doubt, fear, joy, laugh… J & B are 2 and 10m respectively and my journey continues. Keep smiling and thanks for your blog.
    P.S. Baby B was born on his due date and I was sooooo over being preggo so I remember those days. I was like “Hello!!! Please come out baby boy, any day now!” Fingers and toes crossed and a prayer for you to have a wonderful natural delivery. It’s what we did and will do again if we decide to have another baby.

  9. These pictures are stunning and your words are honest and thoughtful. I recently wrote a similar post for Parents Magazine (http://www.parents.com/blogs/great-expectations/2012/12/21/preparing/what-they-dont-tell-you-to-expect/) about the guilt I felt at adding a second child at times and how different the first and second pregnancy can be. I also feel guilty that I can’t do as much as I’d like with my toddler and it pains me to tell her I can’t do something.

    I’m learning to curb the guilt with as you so eloquently put, holding hands with perspective. I too know it will be a good change but sometimes it’s still a little nerve wracking because just like with the first pregnancy, I’ve never had two kids before. When I let the nerves get to me I think about what you said, I know I can survive it all and love it more than I ever thought possible.

    Thank you so much for saying so well what I was feeling. I love reading and following your blog.

    May God bless you with a wonderful delivery and the sweet changes coming into your life.

  10. My husband and I are expecting our first at the end of march so I will definitely take your words and advice to heart. You look wonderful Jen and the photos are just darling!

  11. Jen, I love reading your blog, and I am in anticipation with you! My husband and I have not had any children yet but as we begin to think, dream and pray about it, you are in my thoughts. I keep checking back every day to see if your new baby is here! On another note, these are incredible photos. The mood of them is just so perfect for this post. Beautifully done.

  12. I think you echo every second mom’s thoughts. Don’t let mom guilt get your down Jen, you’re a great mother!

    These are beautiful snap shots!

    xo Jennifer

    http://seekingstyleblog.wordpress.com

  13. These are gorgeous pictures. Thank you for being so candid about your fears and feelings of guilt. Best of luck!

  14. Very true words — thank you. Yes, the mom guilt is something that plagues us all and it will be especially present in the first few months, when your new baby will need most of your attention. Rowan will certainly have some growing pains, but please keep in mind what an amazing gift you are giving her. Our girls are only 13 months apart and they keep each other merrily amused all day. That first car trip you take where they keep each other occupied will be wonderful, trust me!

  15. Cecilia •

    I can so relate to everything you’ve written (so beautifully, at that). I have a 2.5 year-old and a 7-month-old. It has been a difficult adjustment (for me) to taking care of two (both during pregnancy through now), but one thing that an older, wiser mom told me that I find such comfort in and that I wanted to pass along is this: All the love you have invested in your first child will be shared with your next little one, because your older child has learned (and is learning) to love from you and will pass that on to their sibling(s) (and on down the line). I try to keep that in mind whenever I am feeling guilty about the baby not getting as much attention from me as my first did… he is still getting plenty of love, just from other sources! :) Best wishes to your beautiful family…

  16. Heather •

    Such a beautifully heartfelt post! The pictures are
    amazing as well.

    I just found out that I am expecting my second child, so your post gives me perspective. I’m praying for a smooth delivery for you and your family!

  17. What a beautiful honest post. I appreciate your honest reflection on your thought process about your first and second pregnancy. My husband and I are considering starting a family and I think the one thing we are beginning to realize is that we will never truly feel like there is a perfect time to jump on the wonderful roller coaster of raising children. Thank you for sharing.

  18. I am a mama to 5 children and your love will multiply not divide. I am quite bit older than you and my oldest will be 15 years old this summer!! You remind me so much of myself as a young mother ~ so full of love, hope and wonder. Your honesty about motherhood and pregnancy is authentic and much appreciated. Love on those babies and that husband with all you have. Cheers from Vermont xoxoxo

  19. love the post & beautiful pics! thank you for sharing! so glad I stumbled upon your blog! new follower!

    happy new years!

    Saralyn

    http://www.studiomaisonblog.us

  20. Thank you Jen. I remember so many of those thoughts with my second–it is really a little strange. (haha–then w/ three and four you can’t even think any more! not really, but sort of.) :)
    Those pictures are amazing–LOVE THEM!!
    I’ll be praying for ya!
    aloha

  21. Gorgeous photos and beautiful perspective. All the best to you and your little family!

  22. What a beautiful post Jen. I remember when you were pregnant with Rowan and the excitement and fear of the unknown then – I get that now. I’m due at the end of March as well with my first and I’m kinda scared shitless. That being said, your new little one will never feel a lack of love as is so so evident in your words.

    Wishing you all the best for the next couple of days, weeks and months. Take care xx

  23. I think you summed it up perfectly. The good definitely outweighs thebad here. I had all those same feelings, especially the guilt!! Oh man it’s terrible! I still deal with that guilt and insecurity. However it all gets instantly better once your baby arrives, so just look forward to that. The last month of waiting is like being in limbo. I couldn’t wait to just move past it and get on with life with second baby. Just remember you are the best mommy! And just the fact that you feel those things proves how much you love and care! Don’t be hard on yourself. I think we put too much pressure on ourselves to do everything and make everything picture perfect. Especially with all the “comparison” from the Internet! Reality is that your kids will not care or remember if your dishes were clean, they will remember that you read them a story or played or snuggled. I wonder if our parents worried about this stuff? Is it just the expectations from media and what everyone else is doing that causes it? Sorry I’m rambling – ttys! Xo

  24. Your words and these photos are amazing! I’m so scared and so excited to become a parent this next year. Good luck with everything baby number 2 has to bring!

  25. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I don’t think this was a downer post at all! I really loved it. I shared with my husband what you said about every hardship with a kid just being a stage that will end. My due date is Saturday, and it’s our very first, so those words really helped!! I know the first few weeks will be tough, but I hope we can find joy in the little moments nonetheless.

    I wish you the very best with this second little one. I am excited for you! And I hope you get to meet this second one VERY soon!!!!

  26. Oh my gosh Jen! Our second is due in a few weeks and you expressed everything about having a 2 year old and expecting #2 just perfectly. And I adore the simple beauty of these shots…. Your second little girl will feel so special and spoiled!! Pray for peace about everything.. You will do great :)

  27. I found that my focus didn’t change much once my second came. For better or worse, my primary focus remained on my eldest. The baby was just that – a baby. She didn’t know what was going on and she was very mobile. I would strap her in the ergo and off we went with big sister. What I did appreciate were the quiet moments just the two of us. In some ways, I think I appreciated them more because I knew the second time around just how fast it goes. When I stopped to feel guilty that my #2 didn’t get the undivided attention my #1 got I reminded myself that #2 has the bonus of having a sibling her whole life. Sisters! What a blessing to one another. Now that #2 is older, we have to obviously divide our attention much more. But it’s easier now – they can engage with and enjoy one another’s company. They aren’t entirely dependent on me since they have one another. You’ll do great! It’s SO much easier the second time around!

  28. Allison •

    Oh, hon, I’m right there with you. My second daughter was 9 days late and that was after the doctors said I’d be lucky to make it to 36 weeks with her (health problems for me earlier in the pregnancy). It was a hard long 5 week 2 day wait. Especially having to have a plan for my first daughter while I was in labor, but no idea when the baby would finally come. Hang in there! She’ll be here so soon and it will all feel so right with your two girls in your arms.

  29. Sarah Jump •

    I am 3 months pregnant with my second child and pretty much thinking and feeling so many of these sentiments. I love reading your blog, it always makes me want to put things in to order and gives real perspective to a lot of the worries Ive had as a first time mother. Sometimes it feels as though you are ready to give up this little corner of the net and im always really relieved when I come back and you havent!

  30. These photos are so beautiful, and so is the post. I hope your new little one makes an appearance soon!

    <3 Josephine
    http://www.champagnestar.com

  31. You are BEAUTIFUL!! Those guilts you’re feeling indicate you are an awesome Mom! Tell Rowan that Mommy can’t/is too tired just opens the door to more cuddle time and letting her know how to help take care of someone else. Too tired to run/chase? Sit and build with blocks! Too tired to build with blocks? (Yes, it can happen.) Cuddle up and read a book! Too tired for Mommy to read? Have her tell you the story!!
    And when #2 gets here and long after those seeds of empathy and love are already in her little heart, those will help in the long run with the idea of “We are all in this TOGETHER!”

    FYI- This is from a Momma to her own two year old Rowan and 11 month old Linden! (Girls)

  32. I think you are so right. I am pregnant (23 weeks) with my second child, and feel like you. The mom guild. I had some problems this and had to have a lot of rest already from the start and it has been dificult for my 3 year old daughter. All though she has been so good to me and nice to sit ón the cauch to read with mé, when I had to rest. I also was very overwhelmed when we had her and felt so insecure and like I did many things wrong. Thats why I also look forward to enjoying the new baby stage more. Ofcourse, this Will be a completely different baby with different challenges, but I Think I am more up for the task this time. But I am also scared out of my mind, because How ón Earth Will we handle 2 kids :) But we All look forward to getting to know this little baby boy. Good luck to you and your family. :)

  33. Oh, you spoke exactly what’s on my heart. I have a nearly 2 year old, and am pregnant (due in 8 days) with my second little girl. Wonderful post.

  34. I have been reading your blog for years now, and this is one of the best posts I’ve seen on any “mommy blog” ever. And I am not even a mother! Your honesty and reflection here is very inspiring, and I have loved watching your family grow and change. An early congratulations to you, Jen + Kev. <3

  35. Those photos are beautiful!

  36. I found your blog via pinterest and remembered your lovely video from the Sling Diaries. Congrats on your new baby, what a whirlwind! All the best to the four of you!

  37. I know you were probably frustrated to be overdue, but my birthday is new years eve and it’s terrible! She’ll be happy later.

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Hi, I'm Jen!

Welcome to my personal lifestyle blog. It features topics such as motherhood, family life, fashion, cooking, and all sorts of adventures. I hope you enjoy what you find!

Jen Loves Kev