This week has been harder than most. My downs kind of lumped together into a week of falling short on patience, giving love, and feeling motivated. You know those weeks when you just can’t seem to get out of your own head. Yeah. I had one of those weeks. I felt down on my self for the stupidest things and let myself go down the road where at the end, I am left feeling jealous, left out, and inadequate in terms of blogging, parenting and well, life. It is embarrassing to admit. I hate feeling like I am working so hard to keep up yet, it seems like everyone else gets things handed to them so easily. Then on Wednesday Rowan got really sick. We think she caught coxsackievirus from someone at church last sunday. She had a very high fever for about 2 days and we sat on the couch and didn’t move almost the whole time. Poor baby, she was so out of it. Her fever is gone but she is still not herself yet. Very clingy and very irritable. I hate to say this, but it is what I needed to kick myself in the butt. To realize the things I was struggling with were not the truth. That this baby right in front of me is what really matters. That the husband that works hard for us and comes home with a smile to greet us is what matters. How trivial the things that were consuming my mind were. It’s funny how easy we can loose perspective on things. Our vision gets cloudy and you feel totally consumed with negativity.
I feel silly writing this now. I was feeling this during the week and then when Rowan got sick I was able to get out of my funk. My family also came to visit which was awesome. Plus the most amazing thing happened this week!! Rowan started saying “mama”!!! I was a crying mess when she just one day started saying it to me over and over. When we were out grocery shopping later that evening, every time she would see me in the aisle she would yell “MAMA” Umm so freakin’ awesome. So, in the end, even though it was a rough week I am now choosing to focus on the good. I will remember the things I am thankful for. I will kiss Kev and Rowan and know that they are my world and that is what matters and I will know without a shadow of a doubt that my worth does not come from the world around me but from above.
Here’s to a happy new week!