I am going to try to keep this short and to the point, otherwise I might blabble on for way to long. I was reading A Cup of Jo and clicked on one of her Friday links and read this post over on Simple Lovely and it really hit home for me. I have been thinking about it all weekend and really had to share.
The one thing I have found that I have struggled with the most since Rowan was born, was this back and forth with myself feeling like being a mom was suppose to be enough. That every morning you are suppose to wake up and be completely fulfilled that your roll in life is Mom. The truth is that’s not the case for me and that has made me feel so guilty. I get frustrated with myself that I want to be able to put her down and go paint, or blog, or play dress up in my closet. I have so many passions in my life that it’s been hard to swallow that I am “suppose” to put them aside now. I don’t know where this notion came from, no one told me that is what I am suppose to do, but I think as a mom you do that to yourself. That when you have a free minute it would be better spent on doing something for the good of your family rather than for yourself.
This is why this post on Simple Lovely totally gave me a new perspective. I want to copy and paste the whole post here but I wont. I would suggest you go over and read it yourself but here is a little excerpt:
“I heard Terry Gross’s Fresh Air interview with Jason Schwartzman while I was driving to lunch last week and was totally struck by how he describes the environment that his mother (the actress Talia Shire) created in their home, specifically this:
“But, at a young age, what I really did witness, because she never forced it upon us, but I witnessed how movies and music can be nutritional, I guess, to a person. I would come home from school; she would always be downstairs with an old movie on. Every room in our house had a different book open, face down. There would be music on in one room, even though she wouldn’t be in it, and she would kind of just go from room to room and pick up and read and go and listen and go downstairs and watch. She needs that. It’s still the same way. If you go to my house, the same house I grew up in, she’s there with movies on, music playing and books everywhere. And so I witnessed how important these things can be to you.”
After hearing Schwartzman recount that specific memory, I had to pull over so I could jot a little note to myselfâ€¦ Hereâ€™s what it said:
the type of mother I want to be…â€walk the walk”
-From Simple Lovely
1. I love that this was an interview with Jason Schwartzman because he is my FAVORITE! He is in pretty much all my favorite movies.
2. Duh! If I want Rowan to grow up being passionate about life and having a desire to see and experience new things, why would I not model that to her in my own life. Of course classes are great for kids, but what if she came home from school and saw Mommy painting in her studio or making a new craft or cooking a new recipe or planning a trip to some neat art exhibit for all of them? That seems like it would have so much more influence on her than me dropping her off at a class or me filling my time dwelling every second over others needs.
I don’t mean to sound selfish. That is not what this is about. I love Rowan with every ounce of my being and my family comes first before everything. If Rowan or Kev needed something I would stop everything I was doing to help and/or be with them. This was more about the idea that it’s ok to still feel passionate about the things I love. That its ok to still feel like those things make up who you are, as well as being a mom.
I think back to my own childhood. My mom always had a craft room that was FULL of amazing things to play with, create with and be entertained by. I have memories of being down there with her, making my own things as she made hers. Being influenced by what she was making and trying something like that too. She has always been a very creative person and I look at all my sisters and can see how that influenced us. Even my Dad was always doing something, making something, fixing something. Being very hands on. He built everyone of his telescopes and I can see how that molded me and my sisters.
I want to be that. I want to show Rowan what I am passionate about. I want to share that with her. I want to bring her on adventures and I want her to come cheer on mommy as she runs a marathon, or celebrate with her at one of my art openings. I want to be the best mommy to her and slowing I am allowing myself to realize what that means for me.
(haha, ok, so that was no short post, sorry.)