How are you in there? I can’t feel you yet and you aren’t making me feel sick anymore which is good, but it makes me feel sort of disconnected from you. Like if I didn’t think about being pregnant that I could go all day feeling like I wasn’t. I don’t like that. Not that I don’t think of you because I constantly am, I am just dying to feel you roll around (or as we like to say dance because that is what it looked like on the last ultrasound). I can’t wait. Every night when I am laying in bed and I feel something, anything I wonder, was that it? was that you? I know you are growing fast and soon enough you will be kicking me. hehe but I honestly can’t wait.
This week has been sort of tough on us. We have been very busy and have been going to bed very very late. I am sorry that I haven’t been resting up enough for you. I have been trying to make up for it by eating extra healthy but if I am so tired do you feel that too? I hope not. I have been listening to tons of music lately. Do you hear it? Maybe you can, maybe you can’t. But in my head I think if I am enjoying what I am listening to and its making me feel good than you must be calm and happy too. I also hope that when you arrive into this world that the music I like will calm you and make you feel safe and warm because the sounds will be familiar. My ipod has been glued to my side because I always want to play it when I have a chance. In the car, at work, at home. I want music to be a big part of your life, like it has been for mine.
I just want you to know that I am so proud of your Dad (hehe its funny to write that to talk about Kev- its the first time I have written that) He really has stepped up to this whole idea of being a parent. He has been taking such good care of me. He is always making sure I am feeling good, eating enough, not stressed, and relaxed. He makes me laugh when I am sad and can comfort me like no one else when I am upset or scared. I know he is going to be the best dad to you. I can’t wait to see him hold you for the first time. I have been thinking a lot about the moment you arrive and we get to see you for the very first time. It makes me all teary thinking about that exact moment. The range of emotions and love that will be there and the looks on our faces as we look at each other and at you. I hope you know how loved you are going to be and how loved you all ready are.
On a funnier note. We have one picture of you so far. Its from a long time ago. You don’t look like much (hehe I know that’s not your fault though). We made a song up about you- we like to sing it to ourselves. It makes us laugh, it’s pretty funny. We also have an impression of your ultrasound dance moves and your dad likes to talk to me in your heartbeat sound. We have your next appointment on Wednesday. I am hoping we can find out if you are a Boy or a Girl shortly after. I can’t wait!! I am so so excited!!! I will love your the same either way but the anticipation is killing me. You have grown so much lately that I can not wear my regular pants any more. Well I can but I don’t really enjoy wearing my pants unbuttoned/unzipped. Its not a natural feeling and it makes me feel uncomfortable all day. I bought my first pair of maternity pants the other day. They are awesome!!! I got them at H&M, they are a skinny, dark wash pair of jeans. They are honestly the best fitting jeans I have ever owned, also the most comfortable. Why aren’t all pants made with a thick, soft and stretchy cotton band at the top??
Well for my first letter to you baby I sure have written a book! I could go on forever because well, I think of you all day long and our days are forever changed (in a good way) because of you. I just have lots to tell you and share, but I will stop here for now and write some more next week.
(also the first time I have written that about myself, crazy!)